Week Thirteen
Tokyo Epiphanies
Monday & Tuesday, October 6-7, 1997 - Tokyo, Japan
I arrived in Tokyo on Monday. I had scheduled these four days to photograph birth. But of course birth is nothing to be planned and when I called they told me there were none which left me feeling a little afloat. I do not have enough of the material prepared to go talk to people, and I couldn't go back to the nursing home because it was too far away and I didn't have the money. So I called this photographer that I knew here and he invited me out with a bunch of photographers from this area. It was a fun evening discussing photography and I was called the rookie quite a bit, but it made me realize how important it is to have/find a support group to discuss the profession and what you are doing.
The next day I met with two of the photographers and we talked some more. One guy, Tom Wagner (Sumo story that won POY), spent a good deal of time giving me feedback on all the images that I had scanned. It was the most valuable feedback I have received yet. We went through and organized them according the ones we liked. Tom talked about the paratrooper idea of photography, where someone goes in for two days and shoots. What pictures of mine go beyond this? He also talked about how no project is finished and you can always go back and do more. I definitely feel like I want to go to back to Kawabe So. I have an entire new perspective, but I am out of time.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am still learning. Tom was great about that. Whenever I would start to get frustrated with myself, he would remind me that I am not a professional photographer yet, to keep going forward that I am still learning. I get frustrated because this is not easy. Although I have learned a lot and I feel like I have moved into another stage of my photography, I am not where I want to be. I still need to push beyond and move into multidimensional images. While shooting, I am very conscious about the relationship between the subjects and me. I am always striving for a positive relationship. I wonder if I put too much emphasis on having a good relationship, or too much emphasis on trying to make everyone like me. I am afraid that this emphasis is actually creating a wall between good photographs and me. Tom also told me that every photographer he knows goes through this and has these thoughts. My fear is that I am not fast thinking enough or able to anticipate things to be making these excellent photos. I also am not good at focusing a story idea. I thought my project had a focus but I am afraid that the photographs I shot are nothing more than paratrooper photographs. But I am not giving up yet, I have decided.
Wednesday, October 8, 1997 - Tokyo, Japan
I am listening to NPR in Tokyo and for some reason it is making me totally home sick. Today I am going to stay with this farmer who is experimenting with an ancient type of farming. His wife had a baby at the birth center last month and I want to photograph their life a little bit. I don't think they have much money and I saw their house which is really small. I just want to photograph a little poverty in this land of wealth. I am going because I don't have a lot to do and instead of sitting here fretting about whether or not I can make photographs, I am just going to go and make them.
Monday, October 27, 1997 - Kansas City, MO
I miss my slippers. It snowed yesterday and the cold wood floors would have been much warmer had I worn slippers. But they are in Japan and I am in Missouri. I actually got back a week ago but have been very focused on what I need to get done to graduate and all these little logistics did not seem like good writing material.
I have completed the scanning of all the work from the nursing home. I am very proud of the images though I am still trying to figure out how they are all going to fit together. I am about to start scanning the rest of the material that I shot though after looking at the nursing home images I am not sure this material will feel as intimate or look as beautiful. But until I spend as much time with this film, I am not going to say.
I have my sights set on graduating by December. I want to walk down the aisle in the black cap and gown as sort of an "I did it." But there are a few weekends where I am out of town and I am yet uncertain as to how much I really need to get done. The image processing is taking up quite a bit of time. But I feel good and I am enjoying this part immensely.
I showed the images I had scanned to David Rees just to give him an idea of what material I had gathered. What I really need to draw on is David's and Loup's (Langton) creativity in editing this down into a cohesive project/theme. As I stand now I have a bunch of nice images that need to be fit together. This will come. I am thinking of just focusing on the nursing home if the other images do not feel at the same level.
I meet with Jan and Loup on Wednesday. I want to have all the images scanned by then so I have a complete idea of what I have. That is a lot of work.
Tuesday, October 28, 1997 - Columbia, MO
Today I continued to scan images.
Wednesday, October 29, 1997 - Columbia, MO
I met with Loup this morning. He gave me a confidence boost though it is still very apparent that I have more research to do. We did not get to look at the images because of a few computer glitches. Here is a summary of what Loup said:
1. Think about why I choose Japan and be sure to include this in the proposal,
2. He suggested that I send my research into ASNE or API, that sounds exciting though I am not sure that I will have anything very wonderful or exciting, though there is probably nothing done like this,
3. In the research part, I need to include in the discussion/conclusion my intuitions and what I sensed. I didn't realize I could,
4. For the story, I need to collect some more data about the village, and also look at the larger picture like is this typical of a small village in Japan? how does this compare to the US?
5. Justify why I am showing the atypical.
Loup suggested that I build a model to incorporate all of this data.
For my research, I still need to contact Gilles Peres. Impossible? Maybe, but I will give it some more time.
I also met with Jan in the afternoon. She gave me an outline to follow for putting this thing together saying it seemed like I was in good shape. I hope everyone is right. She also emphasized that I need to seriously start thinking about where I am going to publish this. I have a few ideas. I wrote this on-line publication called journale that published Pete Souza's stuff on the Naval Academy new recruits. I also sent an email to the New York Times Interactive division.
Thursday, October 30, 1997 - Columbia, MO
I spent the morning in the library trying to dig up stats on aging in Japan and the US. I wanted to start filling out the big picture.
Saturday, November 1, 1997 - New York City
Bright Lights, Big City - NYC
Today I am in New York. I met with the editor/president of Tango Interactive, Alan Dorow. This company puts out journale (journale.com). He and another guy from the photo department of Sports Illustrated are very interested in my project and offered to publish it for me. All I have to do is send the images, write all the text, and then work with the designer. The editor, Alan Dorow, used to be an associate picture editor with the New York Times Magazine. He made me an offer right there just looking at the raw work. His suggestion for the text is that it be personal but informational/educational. This is not the first suggestion of this nature. He says there is not a lot of journalism like this. Is that because there is no market for it? I do not know.
The drag is that there is no money in this deal. But on the up side of things, I got an email from the photo editor of the New York Times on-line and she also wants to see the stuff. So we will see.
Tuesday-Wednesday, November 4-5, 1997 - Columbia, MO
Tuesday, I spent all day printing out my photographs so that I can lay them out and see what pictures I like and how they go together. I am thinking how to join them all together. I am worried that I will not have a solid body of work. I was warned when I was over in Japan to define my focus tighter. But for some reason, it was very difficult for me to do. Now that I am back here I wish I had just concentrated on the nursing home. But on the other hand by studying the older people and their role in the society, this helped inform my work and improve my shooting in the nursing home.
Today, Wednesday, I have been editing and proof reading my field notes. There is not a strong focus and I sort of seem to wander around topics and ideas. My biggest fear is that I will have a bunch of images that do not fit together.
Thursday-Friday, November 6-7, 1997 - Columbia, MO
Editing, editing, editing. I feel like I am getting nowhere. I have spent the last week looking at the darn pictures and I feel only about one inch closer to getting out of the mile high editing hole. Loup and I met and we discussed the possibilities of bringing some kind of Japanese element to the editing process. I have thought of a few ideas. One would be to try and organize the photographs around the cycle of the day such as morning, noon, and evening. But I am not sure that my images are that complete. Another idea I had was to organize them around emotional themes. But that does not seem right either.
David looked at all my negatives. I was surprised and pleased that he wanted to do this. I never asked because I figured everyone was too busy. But he added some excellent photos that I definitely missed. Needless to say I was up until 3:00 a.m. Saturday morning scanning and printing those images. I was not alone. There were several others in the lab which was nice company as we all slaved away at our labor of love.
I got into a deep discussion with one of the people in the lab at about 2:00 a.m. I think I might have blown him a way because all he kept saying was just put that in your field notes. I got the feeling he didn't understand what I was talking about but I will try to describe it here.
I first started talking about the notion that in every photo you make, all of your past experiences, memories good and bad, conscious and subconscious come together to make that one frame. This means to me that although there are times I am not totally aware of what everyone is doing or of all the edges of my frame, some part of me is. I see myself in every photo I make (well most). I was told this was Cartier Bresson's idea. I do not have any scholarly source though. Now if we assume this to be true, then for us to ultimately utilize all of these forces, I proposed that we need our right and left-brains to be in total harmony. This dance becomes the struggle, for if either our mind (left brain) or our heart/creative side (right brain) becomes dominant then the balance is skewed and so is the shooting. It is a constant tightrope walk for me.
Recently in David's office I pulled a book called Living Room from his shelf. It was published by Aperture and contained photographs by some guy named Walepole, I think. I opened the book in the middle, as I usually do and found myself watching daily life in living rooms of British laborers. It was in color, there was a lot of action, many shapes, blurred faces and arms. I felt like this guy, for the most part, had the tightrope mastered. His images danced. Wow.
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